How to Come Home to Yourself

Burnout. Constant stress. Busyness. An endless to-do list. Exhaustion. Loneliness. Complete body disconnection.

In this constant state of feeling behind, overworked, and overwhelmed, it can be hard to feel happy. It can be hard to feel motivated. How can you create the life of your dreams when it can feel hard to dream in the first place? In this article, I will cover the steps to come back to yourself so that you can finally feel at peace and at home within your own body and within your own life.

Western society values outside accomplishment, success, and validation. Powerful industries profit billions when you believe that an outside product, image, or information will make you feel happy and fulfilled. You have been trained to look outside of yourself for answers and ideas on what to do and who to be. 

Our society also numbs pain and discomfort. These are vital signals in our emotional and physical bodies that are giving us clues to our own healing. If you numb out these signals, you loose out on learning what your body is beautifully trying to tell you. You numb out your intuitive knowing, and your body now has to speak louder to get your attention - leading to worsening of whatever pain you experience.

Our society is very resistant to pain and discomfort because we are taught they are “bad”. Big emotions are especially labeled as painful and uncomfortable - to experience ourselves and to witness in others. There is no bad and good - these are purely judgments based on pre-defined cultural agreements. Yet we learned to clamp down on how we truly feel for the comfort of others. In an instant gratification culture, the second you feel the rise of an unpleasant emotion, situation, or body sensation, your learned pattern is to resist that feeling immediately. To bury it deep inside of you. To never let it see the light of day. 

More than ever before, humans in modern society have extremely easy access to the ability to escape. 

Scrolling on your phone.

Binge watching that TV show again. 

Drinking alcohol, smoking, eating sugary foods.

Embedding yourself in a constant, overstimulating, 24/7 newscycle.

Constantly overworking.

Comparing yourself on dating apps and social media.

Over-giving to your family, friends, kids, and partners.

And many more.

Are you turning to these activities because they actually make you happy? Are you turning to these distractions to escape? Is there something painful going on underneath?

These habits are not “bad”. But they may not be true to yourself. What I mean, is that you may not be reaching for that tub of ice cream, or reaching for the glass of wine, or reaching for the remote to watch New Girl yet again - because you actually want to do those activities. You may be participating in these behaviors as an unconscious pattern of avoidance, in order to numb out a feeling or pain. You turn to these behaviors without realizing what you're doing, without the control to stop, even if you’d prefer to do something else in your free time, like read that novel you never get to, go out dancing with your friends, or spend time outdoors in nature.

When you partake in habits to numb, disconnect, avoid, and escape - it is like you are turning your back on yourself. Numbing in this way is a resistance to the truth, a resistance to what is. It can be hard to look inward and truly be honest with yourself about what is going on. If you are struggling with this, I see you, my love!! It is SO FREAKING HARD to look inward. 

Why? Because the truth scares us. What happens if what you find inside of you does not align with what others expect from you, or what you expect of you? You may be asking yourself - once I understand what is going on with me, what am I supposed to do???

Recognizing these patterns may be painful and difficult. It may seem that we’ll fall into self-hatred, self-judgement, or despair when we bring our attention to something in our lives that we feel powerless to change. It feels easier to turn away from the truth, and to bury ourselves deeper into these numbing habits.

We fear what would happen if we peaked our eyes through our hands and actually looked at what’s there. To actually sit with the uncomfortable. It seems unimaginable. We avoid it at all costs.

And yet - something interesting happens when we stay with ourselves. Pain, hurt, discomfort, big emotions - they tend to go away when they are seen, acknowledged, witnessed, and approved of. All you have to do is be with what is. Be with it. You don’t have to do anything. In a world attacking you with distractions and “solutions”, turning inward is a courageous, radical act. 

The first step is staying with yourself.

Not leaving when things get big, hard, and messy. Staying with yourself takes practice, and starts with small steps. It starts with self-awareness. When you notice a painful or uncomfortable feeling or thought arising in you, stay with it for just one minute.

How do you stay? 

• Take three deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.

• Locate the physical sensation in your body. 

  • Is your chest contracting? Are your shoulders heavy? Is your lower back aching? Is your mind cloudy?

• Hold that sensation in your awareness. 

• Stay with that sensation for just one minute. 

  • Just noticing with curiosity. Non-judgment. Compassion.

Notice how the sensation changes with your awareness.

The second step is acknowledging your pain.

When you stub your toe, the nerve endings send messages to your brain radiating messages of pain in your foot. “Ow!!” They tell your brain. The purpose of this message is to alert you to attend to your injury. Once you squeeze your foot, bellow out "OWWW" to express the pain, put some ice on that toe, and rest for a moment, the pain goes away. 

Your pain needs to be witnessed. You can witness your pain by expressing it in a healthy way. If you stub your toe, you express your pain by yelling out in pain. You can say "OWW". Some other options are yelling: “NOOOOOO” “CHARLIE BIT ME AND IT REAAAALLLY HURT” “EWWWW DAVIDDDD”.

These are some beautiful ways to express and witness your pain. If you resist emotional, physical, or mental pain by ignoring it, repressing it, or numbing it, you create resistance in your body. This resistance leads to stagnation, which is incredibly painful. Thus the cycle of resistance continues.

Resistance Cycle. Resistance to pain/discomfort leads to stagnation. Stagnation creates more pain.

We are often so ashamed or guilty about our pain that we suppress it. Maybe we feel angry, and we register it as painful because we weren’t allowed to express anger as a child. The shame, guilt, and suppression of anger can lead to fogginess, numbness, anxiety, and deep holding of suppressed emotion in your body.

Another way to witness your pain is to allow it to be. To witness it without judgement and with compassion.

The third step is approving of your pain.

It can feel uncomfortable and even radical to approve of your pain. Approving of your pain doesn't mean you are justifying it, or admitting that you deserve pain. Quite the contrary. You are taking back your power and embracing the wholeness of YOU. You are loving Every. Single. Damn. Part of you! You are reclaiming the parts of you that you judged and cast away. You honor yourself instead of shame your pain. The painful habit, emotion, or

bodily sensation - can you witness it as sacred? Can you witness it as a beautiful message from your wise and intelligent body? Can you love it as much as you love the pleasurable feelings? Love is what stops contraction and resistance in their tracks.

Sometimes our pain is so deeply ingrained that we need help witnessing. We need someone to hold the torch as we walk the path home to ourselves. Life coaches create a sacred, safe space for you to come home to yourself. A loving container to hold you, witness you, and reflect your virtues back to you. Reflect to you that you are whole, worth it, amazing, special, complete - that there is nothing wrong with you. Life coaching operates from the truth that you are unbroken, worthy, and valuable, just by being alive.

You work together with your coach as a team to bring your authority back to yourself. 

To learn how to look inward for answers and validation.

To build self-trust so that you don’t need to depend on outside places or habits for validation. 

To reclaim your worthiness - truly understanding how deserving you are of all your desires.

You deserve to explore your life purpose, vision, and gifts in this life. You deserve to come into coherence and take aligned action from a place of inner knowing and truth. Imagine being so sure of yourself and confident on every decision because you were so clear.

In my training as a Certified Dragontree Life Coach, my work with clients operates from the core beliefs that:

-You are whole.

-You are not broken.

-You have everything you need.

- All the answers you are looking for are inside of you. 

Your body knows how to heal itself. If you are in confusion about who you are, what to do next, or what is going on with your body and mind, a life coach can help guide you back to your inner knowing.

If you feel confusion, resistance, stagnation, pain, hurt, numbness, anxiety, boredom, lack of direction……I am here for you. I am here to be your sacred witness, your wise guide, your cheerleader. My name is Jen, and I am a certified life coach, yoga teacher, and health behavior specialist. I use coaching, mindfulness, and somatic experiencing to foster nervous system regulation, internal resilience, and chronic stress relief.

If you are looking for clarity, healing, truth - sign up for a 1:1 with me. I can’t wait to journey with you.

Remember, you are whole, unbroken, and worthy. Your body’s messages are wise and trustworthy. Stop judging them as wrong or sick. Start recognizing them for what they are - the path forward to taking care of yourself.